She left me

She left me nothing but memories of her soft and extreme love.

At the airport, she hugged me and kissed me twice, she told me to be strong, she said “don’t cry, I will be back”. She then silently picked her bags up and walked away. I was happy to see that she was walking strong, so I filled my heart with hopes that she will come back soon.

I stood there once again, looking at her all the time, until she walked away from my eyesight. I knew, and I felt that she is wiping her tears off, right behind the corner. I knew she was looking at me too, just wanted me to go home without worries. So I turned slowly and walked back. But just like her, I stood behind a corner too where she couldn’t see me. I knew that now she will walk to the gate to board the plane.

I then sat on a chair, waited. Waited for nothing, my eyes were empty and my mind was thinking nothing. My thoughts jammed, my heart just like stopped too. Seems I was all alone in the world. World to me was soundless, colorless and empty.

I get up, and walk in the rain. I walk with empty heart and find my car. I open the door, put myself in driving seat. I knew it was time to get back home, (Home? Well just a place for me to stay and continue my life with all the memories). I put the keys in ignition but I have no courage to start the car and drive back. So I sit there, once again watching the rain drops falling on windshield and flowing away. I thought about nothing but Mother and Father. Nothing but mother’s safety, nothing but waiting for her to come back.

Finally I gather my courage and start the car. Car turned, and moved away from Airport so slowly. I drove like I have no destination. In fact I really don’t have a destination. I came back. I reached back to a place called home at the moment.

Outside the house, the very first thing that reminded me that she was here, were all her plants, and flowers that she used to plant. All are there, standing strong, healthy and beautiful. I tell myself I will keep the alive till she comes back. Just a mere thought though, I know they need her care too, without her they will die and so will I.

I open the door of my apartment and I get in. First thing, I looked at her room and just like a flashback I realized how many things I just couldn’t do for her. I enter her room. Her room, so clean and so tidy, everything in place, and so alive like she just stepped out for a moment, and will be back asking me to look at her hands where she will be holding a small wild flower that she found. But only in my heart I knew, I knew she was gone. She was in a plane that was taking her far away from me.

I sit down by her bed, I touched the empty bed, I fill my heart with her smell there. And I couldn’t help myself. Eyes got filled with tears. I missed her so bad at that very moment. Bed side, her stuff on the table was all there, neat and clean, nicely arranged. Her Cream, Hair oil, Honey, Medicines and everything that she used daily, was there. Only she was gone. She left me nothing but with more memories and empty heart missing her again.

I tried not to cry. But when I looked under her bed, I couldn’t control over my tears any more. Tears just rolled down from my eyes one after another as I saw one empty bottle, and a paper cup. There was nothing but a dry flower in there. I realized I should have brought her flowers everyday but I was too busy to do that. I sat there, holding her bed and crying her name. I wished, I’d give everything to see her again. I begged God to keep her safe and healthy and to give me one more chance to keep her with me so I can do all that I couldn’t this time.

I begged and begged, and I cried with my painful heart.

She was here, I tried everything to keep her happy. She knew that. I thought I was doing so much more this time, but now that she is gone, I recall every moment. I realize I can never win from a mother. She actually did so much more. She once again gave me so much more love with all her tolerance towards my ignorant and stupid mature behavior. Not only love she gave me much more than I could give her. And over all she gave me all her blessings and prayers every moment when she was here.

I know now, when I go to teach, no one will say “go with God’s graces and protection”, and when I come back, no one will say with the most beautiful smile “Aagaya Beta, chal khana kha le (you came back son, come and eat food)”.

She was there; I was happy and peaceful in my heart. Just by looking at her sitting in her room doing something, filled my heart with happiness. But now, when I look at her empty room, my heart just fills with more worries and pains.

I miss her beautiful loving eyes and that loving smile when she looked at me. I miss her silently doing all the stuff for us. I miss her care. I miss her protecting me from everything like I was a child.

And I know I can’t describe how much I miss her at this moment. I now pray every moment that soon she will be back to me, my paradise, my mother and I will do everything to keep her happy, healthy and peaceful. Amen.

I now sit and count seconds, to receive her call that she is safe and sound and that she will be back soon. GOD, I pray don’t give people the life that I live. A life where I live far from my old parents. Parents who need me in this age but still do a lot for me. Parents who never asked me anything but kept on worrying about me only. Parents who I love and want to be with, but I can’t. Parents who are the only precious thing left for me in this world.

Every moment and everything makes me miss my mother now. I realized how many things she used to do for me when she was here. I realized that I have to work harder next time to do more for her. For My mother, for my father. My mother and my father, the two most beautiful and precious persons in my life. I am nothing without them. I realize, I am living for them, I realize, if I lose them, I will lose my life.

So I sit and pray, every moment. I sit and miss them, I sit here and wish I will see them together soon. Amen.